This week in Bradley Wik's fucking weird ass head... aka... what songs I've woken up to

Many thanks to all who came (physically and sexually) to the video release party last Friday Night. I had an amazing time and I’m sure you did too. I could listen to SARA MORRIS and BRIANNE KATHLEEN sing for days on end as they are so talented, and I want to thank them for performing. It was truly a magical night.

But, what I haven’t done in a while is not complain about my life, my depression, my Asperger’s, my Meniere’s disease, the Green Bay Packers or any number of other things, and simply share some music that I have been loving recently. I wanted to make this a bit different than I have in the past and I will be sharing the songs that were stuck in my head throughout the past week.

To clarify, every morning (more or less) I wake up with a very different and very random song stuck in my head. It could be due to a dream, but rarely one I remember. So, to me, they are the weirdest fucking songs and I have almost no clue where they come from. Probably from their penises and vaginas but that’s just a guess based on my life experience. I’ve been tracking these for, oh, I don’t know, only a week as I thought it might be entertaining to someone besides me. These songs seemingly come out of nowhere and may be the most random collection of tunes assembled on a Spotify playlist, which I’ll post below. For the blog, I’ll post the YouTube links as I know not everyone has Spotify, at least I think they don’t, who knows. I’m not sure what the kids do these day so fuck it…

Monday - “There’s Your Trouble” - Dixie Chicks

1998? Where the fuck did this come from? Maybe it was the impending election and some random thoughts back to when they were temporarily hated for going against George W., who in retrospect wasn’t actually that bad… Sadly, I miss W. Between the silliness and Will Ferrell’s impression, those were simpler and better times. Still, it’s funny to watch videos from a time that HD didn’t exist…

Tuesday - “Cars” - Gary Numan

Maybe I drunkenly forgot that I watched THIS ON FAMILY GUY but maybe I was just having an Asperger’s moment and loving Gary Numan (has acknowledged his own Asperger’s). Or, maybe since I had to drive a few hours on Tuesday the song invaded my psyche. Who knows. However it came, it was welcome and kicked off a Gary Numan-centric afternoon listening session which was well enjoyed by me.

Wednesday - “Mellowship Slinky in B Major” - Red Hot Chili Peppers

Told you this list would be all over the place. I don’t control my subconscious and what’s stuck in my head when I wake up, as illustrated by this song which I haven’t listened to or heard in years. And I mean years… Still it fucking rocks.

Thursday - “Can’t Help Falling in Love” - Elvis

My grandma famously (at least in our family) caught a scarf from none other than Elvis when she was both younger and still alive (God rest her amazing soul). She caught it simultaneously with her friend and for the next fifty years they alternated keeping it safe and secure. My grandma passed before her friend and her friend passed the scarf to her one last time before burying her with it. It was an incredibly gracious and emotional gesture at the funeral as my grandma loved nothing more than Elvis. She was a saint and my hero. I’ve met and shook hands with Bruce Springsteen and Bob Dylan but it never would have, or could have, matched her meeting Elvis. Incredible things happen to incredible people. My grandma is the only person I’ve met who writes better letters than me. This blog doesn’t express my letter writing ability, though someday it might. But, she was a genius and I owe a lot to her. I still own her guitar. It was a Gibson lap steel from 1938. My grandmother was an incredible woman, as many grandmothers from that time were.

Friday - “Working for the Weekend” - Loverboy

If you want to hear the song you can skip the first 2:23 as it’s some real jerkoff, egotistical band bullshit. Sidenote: every Saturday while I shit I sing to myself “Everybody’s pooping on the weekend…” Try not to think of that next weekend when you’re pooping and playing on your phone. “Everybody’s pooping on the weekend.”

Saturday - “Rock with You” - Michael Jackson

MJ is my favorite artist ever although this is a pretty random song for me. I’m typically a “Bad” guy as that was the album I grew up with. My mom probably has photos and maybe video of me reenacting MJ’s dance moves from “Bad.” I would say it’s probably unflattering as how could anyone replicate what MJ could do, but then again, what can’t I do? I’m awesome as fuck. Also, MJ is always Michael Jackson to me and not Michael Jordan. He’s great but not MJ great.

Sunday - “My Slow Descent into Alcoholism” - The New Pornographers

Before it even started, I almost ruined my relationship with my wife over the New Pornographers. I was in a terrible place (which I still partially reside) and trying my best to ruin everything. I was supposed to go and meet this beautiful girl at a New Pornographers show. I heard she wasn’t gonna go with me because she liked someone else so I found out where she was going and got super fucked up and met her there while flirting shamelessly and making out with another girl. I eventually ended up puking in the bathroom, passing out in the back of a Subaru and showing up two hours late to work the next day, but somehow my future wife didn’t hate me. I still haven’t defeated my alcholistic roots but I’m much closer than I was back then. I’m still pissed that I missed out on a fight and a free hot dog afterwards. Long story…

Monday - “New York City Cops” - The Strokes

A song cut from the final album, but fucking hell was it was great. I had the early bootleg version which had “New York City Cops” on it so this was drilled into my head by the 1,000 consecutive listens only to be fucking confused by the “official” release. Words, they don’t make sense. But, I love this shit. My band used to rehearse at the same space in NYC as the Strokes did back in the day, aka 1999-2001. Wow, shitty comparison… But, I did get drunk and fuck as many girls or close to it… So, I have that going for me, which is nice.

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Music Video Notes and shit...

So, the Packers shat the bed once again. Just like last week, they had the chance to dethrone one of the best teams in the league and decided to fuck themselves over. I don't want to rant and rave about it (I've done that for at least 4 or 5 hours over the past 24 hours) but it's so goddamn frustrating to give games like this away. It's also weird that our defense is playing better than our offense, which has Aaron Fucking Rodgers. Color me confused as fuck. That's a phrase, right? Anyways, some good/music news...

Many thanks to Adobe and Teardrops (click HERE or on the image below):

And to Americana Daily (click HERE or on the image below):

For supporting the release of our newest music video for “Let’s Go Out Tonight.” Here’s a few thoughts I had about the making of the video:

“Turns out it’s not easy to make a zombie-themed music video.  From finding the right DP and makeup artist to bring our zombie rom-com to life, to finding the perfect “Thriller” looking house, the director and I digging a real grave in someone’s backyard (Oregon dirt is mostly clay with lots of rocks in it…), the 2+ hours of having alcohol-based makeup, since it was still raining in July (God bless Oregon), slathered on my face, neck and hands plus the 1+ hour of washing my skin with alcohol to get it back off, practicing “Thriller” dance moves in my apartment and injuring my hand so badly that I now have a scar for the rest of my life (long story), to all the overnight shoots, it wasn’t your typical music video.  I was buried underground for 20 minutes while we waited for the lighting, effects and weather to all play together for the perfect shot, and I loved it; which was good since that was only the first of many takes…

 

But, God bless Kevin Pietila, the director, since he had the vision and the passion to keep the cast and crew focused and performing at our best, not an easy task at 4 or 5am when everyone is starting to feel the lack of sleep and we’re trying to beat the light for one last shot. And God bless the crew, keeping the generators, lights, effects, makeup and playback going while moving everything in and out of tents due to the intermittent rain.  And the Holocene in Portland was great and patient as we shot for much longer than anticipated there.

 

And damn, did I look awesome in that “Thriller” jacket or what…”

NEW MUSIC VIDEO AND VIDEO RELEASE PARTY!!

AHHHH, REAL MONSTERS (anyone love that show as much as I do?)! Why do I say that?? You’ll find out if you check out the WORLD PREMIERE OF “LET’S GO OUT TONIGHT” THE MUSIC VIDEO AT SURVIVING THE GOLDEN AGE BY CLICKING HERE OR ON THE PICTURE:

Also, our music video release party will be held at the Lake Theater in Lake Oswego, OR Friday, November 9th. Music from Sara Morris, Brianne Kathleen and Bradley Wik will start at 8pm followed by commentary from director/writer of said videos, Kevin Pietila, before we show both “Lookin’ at Luckey” and “Let’s Go Out Tonight” on the BIG SCREEN!!! Fun is guaranteed to be had by all. Music, booze, amazing music videos, what else do you need?! Oh, a sexy host, you might say. Well, don’t you worry, Bradley will be there and may or may not take his pants off… Just sayin’…

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I'm playing a video release show in Portland, OR on Friday 11.9... aka everything sucks, unless it doesn't...

There are good days, and there are bad days. Sometimes, both in one day.  I started out having a good day but it has quickly turned into the opposite.  There's not even some event or something that happened that made it so; it just went shitty.  Maybe I was thinking about how Scott Hutchison killed himself and how inevitable that seemed.  Maybe I was thinking about Trump and all the bullshit (too many things to list) that goes along with that.  Maybe I was wondering why things were going well in my music career and tried to self-sabotage.  Who knows...  But, what I do know is that I try and remember the things I am grateful for in these moments.  There are innumerable things I can be happy about and I'm trying my damnedest these days to keep them in mind.


Take, for instance, the fact that I have a second music video (our first off "In My Youth, I'm Getting Old..." can be viewed HERE) coming out on Halloween.  It's for "Let's Go Out Tonight" and the video is, well, I won't give it away, but it's related to the ghoulish holiday.  That's pretty fucking awesome.


I've gotten lots of love and support for these videos; again, which is awesome.


I'm playing a video release show (my first show in a couple months) at the Lake Theater in Lake Oswego, OR on Friday 11/9 at 8pm. 

 

The director will be there to talk about the videos and we will be playing the videos on the big screen for all in attendance; and for all those not in attendance, though they won't be able to see them since they're not fucking there...


I just started doing side work as a podcast producer and editor, and just started recording a podcast myself about my latest album and what goes into, from a songwriting and just fucking life standpoint, making an album.


I'm beginning work on my next album, which will be a solo endeavor the likes of which has never been heard.  This is the most honest and personal album I've ever written (which is amazing in and of itself as all my songs are true stories. It’s easier than trying to make shit up) as it includes many stories about my depression, alcoholism, having Asperger's, suicidal thoughts (which I struggle with every day), fucking "Inception" style dreams, and other things which I struggle with constantly.  The goal of this album is to help those who feel these things daily, but also feel alone in their struggles.  Your struggles are not singular, and trust me, I get it.  I hope these songs help normalize and make you feel better about said struggles.


So many good things and I still can hardly function.  Sometimes, just the weight of life is too much.  I try and stay positive in these moments and remember that my original goal was just to help one person with my music in the way that music helped me.  I've accomplished that many times over but it's addicting.  I just keep thinking of all the people who don't know who I am who could benefit from feeling less alone in the world.  Asperger's took my ability to feel "normal" but that's OK.  I wasn't meant to.  I was meant to help others understand themselves in a way they haven't before.  Even the fucked up are "normal" to the other members of the "fucked up” party.  You are not alone.  I once stabbed myself in the arm because I didn't think I was real.  I get it.  I still feel like that sometimes, but have found healthier ways to explore that.


Music is magic.  But it’s also a struggle. It's given me everything in my life, good and bad.  But, I don't begrudge it either way.  It is what it is.  As Vonnegut would say, "so it goes."  Whether you make music or support and enjoy it, you are part of the brotherhood and sisterhood of music.  We are all in this together and we are all fucked up in the best and worst ways.  We are here for each other in a way that a lot of people don't understand.  When we need a hand or a friend, we know where to go.  Music hasn't "fixed" me and it won't.  But, it's given me a sense of being and a place where I can feel less alone.  That's all I ever wanted from it and that's all I can ask for.  It's not a god, but it isn't far off.  Thank you, music, for all you've done for me.  I hope I can do the same with my music for at least a few of you out there...


(dictated but not read)

Mad at Kanye because Kanye is smarter than you? a.k.a. Kanye's White House Monologue

If you haven't seen the full video from Kanye's monologue during his Oval Office visit with Donald Trump, here you go:

Rapper Kanye West met Thursday with Donald Trump, telling the President in an Oval Office meeting before reporters why he supports the Republican. Language warning: This clip contains some profanity. #KanyeWest #CNN #News

I know how news is disseminated these days, in clips and soundbites, but it's important to ingest some things fully and without commentary or bias.  I've seen or heard so many "takes" already claiming Kanye's monologue was sad, was rambling, was incoherent, was profane, that Kanye doesn't represent how black people feel, and on and on.  Look, some of that may be true.  Kanye did touch on a lot of topics (I'll highlight some later, but again, watch the whole video before offering another unneeded take, like this one, into the world), he did drop a couple curse words and he sometimes switched lines of thought before finalizing his point.  But, he also never claimed to speak on behalf of all black people, made plenty of well-thought out points and once again proved he is always the smartest person in the room.  That's a softball setup for a Trump joke but that's not what this is about.


WHO DIDN'T SEE THIS COMING?  WELL, ME, I GUESS...


For anyone surprised by Kanye's monologue, I feel like taking them aside and just playing them the scene from Goodfellas, where Joe Pesci shoots Spider for talking back to him, over and over til Robert Deniro's "What's the matter with you? Huh?  What's the matter with you?" is seared into their skulls forever.

 

Of course this was outcome when probably the bravest, most outspoken artist in the world had a national audience and was sitting in THE F*%#ING WHITE HOUSE.  This could not have been teed up any better than my left-open Trump joke a few sentences ago.  Of course Kanye was going to seize the moment.  He clearly has a lot on his mind, and from the sounds of it, has ACTUALLY BEEN DOING SOMETHING ABOUT SOCIAL AND LOCAL ISSUES.


He mentions having meetings back in Chicago about gun violence, prison reform and school curriculums.  He's at the White House to discuss prison reform and to try sway the President's mind about "stop and frisk."  He's not just posting Twitter messages or videos about how outraged he is, he's talking with people and trying to get something done about it.  In fact, he's not outraged at all.  Multiple times he uses the words "empower" and "love."


He implores people to talk with people instead of making hasty decisions or judgements, explaining how he was misdiagnosed with Bipolar disorder when he was really just massively sleep-deprived and how that could have led to him developing dementia.

 

He reiterated the need for more mental health awareness and help for everyone, especially those who need to be "habilitated, not rehabilitated" since they never got the knowledge or help they needed to begin with.


It was clear these were not ideas that randomly popped into his head that he word-vomited out to the world.  These are things he is clearly passionate about and thinks about often and with great depth.  They may sound crazy grabbed as a snippet, but I understood each point he made and agreed with him more often than not.  For instance, it's true I don't really think a hydrogen-powered plane will replace Air Force One anytime soon, but I understand his overall point about wanting American companies to be leaders in industry and in designing innovative products.


I figured Kanye would give us a performance and I was not disappointed.  But, what I did not expect was for us to get a peek into the brain of genius.  Kanye is not just a "musical genius."  He is a plain, old, regular genius too. He said as much during the monologue and I believe him.  Listening to the way his thoughts formulated and how he articulated them, you can tell he's working on a different level than most of us and there was so much going on in his head he was trying to igure out how to get it all out.  It's sad that this is often lazily labeled "crazy."  Geniuses have been called "crazy" for as long as man has existed and consistently misunderstood them.  Of course some of his thoughts seem incomplete.  I'm sure he could talk for hours and hours (probably days and days) on each of the dozen or so topics he touched on but he knew people will only pay attention for so long so he kept it moving.  No one knows how to entertain better than Kanye but I don't think this was him posturing or just seeking attention.  I believe him.  I believe he truly believes in all these things.


A FEW THOUGHTS ON A FEW OF THE TOPICS HE BROUGHT UP


WELFARE:


Kanye mentions that welfare is a big reason why black people are typically Democrats.  He also points out that because jobs are hard to find, it can often be easier for people to have more kids to increase their income, which can cause its own set of issues.  Kanye mentions creating jobs, multiple times, as the first step to helping curb these issues.  

 

But, to his point about having more kids to gain income, he's right.  I've had more than a couple friends admit to me they had an extra kid to help with rent, or to move into a bigger or nicer apartment, or to help with a medical bill.  I remember asking my co-worker in New York City how she could afford a three-bedroom apartment in Manhattan.  The answer:  three kids and custody of a fourth.


WHY HE WEARS HIS MAGA HAT:


Kanye states that the hat gives him power.  And, it does.  He talks about the how people try to bully him out of wearing the hat, which he refuses to do; which, in itself, is empowering.  He talks about how it gave him "the balls" to negotiate a better deal with Adidas.  He talks about how wearing the hat reminds him that Trump is a positive male role-model for a guy without a lot positive male energy in his life.  That sounds pretty powerful to me.  I think he may be right.


MENTAL HEALTH:


I don't understand why, but it seems like people hate it when Kanye brings up mental health.  This makes no sense.  Everyone lauds Kendrick Lamar for discussing it but collectively roll their eyes when Kanye brings it up.  I don't like it and it's hypocritical.  If you don't like him, you don't like him.  Fine.  But, the more we can get people talking and learning about mental health, the better.  I didn't find out until I was 28 years old that I had Asperger's.  Having that news earlier could have changed a lot things (mostly relationships) in my life.  As Kanye says today, people need more access to and education around mental health.

 

He made a great point about "habilitation, not rehabilitation" when it comes to prisoners.  People who come out of prison typically don't come out with lots of money and opportunities coming at them left and right from potential employers.  I've never been to prison but I can't imagine it's positive for a person's psyche.  So, now you have someone who has had a traumatic event (and possibly many more beforehand) occur to them who have no money and little-to-no job prospects due a prison record.  It doesn't really put people in a position to succeed which, he says, puts people in a position to do illegal things and, ultimately, end up back in prison.  

 

Instead, Kanye recommends mental health care, job training and even different curriculums in schools to try and keep kids out of prison to begin with.  That all seems sensible enough to me.


IN SUMMATION


I think people often struggle with Kanye due to lack of understanding.  Perhaps it's because I have Asperger's (who knows?), but I often seem to relate to Kanye and understand his trains of thought better than most.  I find myself constantly explaining, and sometimes defending, him to others.  Ofttimes, they will concede they perhaps judged him too quickly and too harshly.  Other times, they say my explanation makes it worse. Who knows...  But, I just wanted to offer (yet another...) opinion to hopefully get you feeling more open and loving towards someone who is often misunderstood.  That's all Kanye is asking for; and he's right, as usual...

Fuck Columbus, Fuck Portland, Fuck Depression... aka cutting and scars...

I just finished a new song.  It's ridiculous to talk about it since it won't be released for another year, but I love this song so much.  It's a song about cutting, which, unfortunately, I know a little bit about.  Now, to be sure, I've known people who've had extensive issues with cutting.  I dated a girl with more scars than I could count.  We talked about it at length.  She dealt with more than I could bear.  My experience with it is not on the same level and I'm not trying to compare but I can relate, in a different sort of way.  The reasons behind a person being in the mindset to do such a thing are varied.  I do not pretend to understand all, or even any, beyond my own.  And, I realize my reasons were not very common.  They were an outlier and therefore I'm not trying to compare my experience to others.  As I've mentioned, I've intimately known more than a couple people who have struggled with far worse issues.  I'm merely trying to say that I understand this issue more than most.  I've both internally and externally dealt with it.  I wish I hadn't (no one should) but the seed has been sown.   I can't undo my four scars, and I don't particularly care to.  I hold on to them to remind myself of what I can become.  It's not pleasant but it's not meant to be.  I relish the reminders of harder times.  They make me strive for the good times, regardless of how few and far between they are.  I try to keep the memories strong to keep myself on the right path.  Someday, I might tell the whole story, which is long and boring, at least to me, but for now I'll keep it simple:  I struggled with creating a dissociative disorder for myself.  I didn't think I was real.  Or, I didn't think the world around me was real.  I vacillated between those two realities; no doubt influenced by the intake of pain killers, Xanax and copious amounts of alcohol.  Also, the amount of self-hate and depression.  Moving to Portland was the single most tragic thing that ever happened to me, which, I know sounds ridiculous but it's true.  I was immediately depressed upon arriving but tried to associated those feelings with leaving New York City.  No city was ever going to live up to NYC, so I was just experiencing a normal drop off.  Not so.  I knew more than I could realize.  Sure, I started a band, made some albums, some music videos, enjoyed minor success and met my wife here, but the toll it's taken on me is irreparable.  I'll never be the same.  Frankly, I'm surprised my insides have only given out once with the amount of shit I've ingested to try and get by or enjoy myself or life.  Life hasn't been very enjoyable aside from getting married.  I've loved getting married but part of the reason is that I finally get to leave.  You see, my wife didn't feel comfortable moving with me before marriage, which is understandable given how shitty and undependable I can be.  But, Portland is the city in which I tried to murder myself, cut myself to establish the fact that I am a real being and thought about death multiple times per day.  It's not a place I will look back upon fondly.  I tried to kill myself once in Seattle too, but have nothing but good things to say about Seattle.  That is not the case for Portland.  If Portland were destroyed by a nuclear bomb, I would not only be OK, I would rejoice.  I have Asperger's so I don't really care about any of the people I don't know that would have died, and selfishly would love to see this place burned to the ground.  Good things may have happened as a result of this place, but the damage it's done to me and my well-being will never be rectified.  I will live with the literal and figurative scars forever.  I don't expect to outrun them.  I don't expect to get over them.  I don't expect to live happily alongside them, though I'm trying; especially now that I'm married.  Marriage for me was almost as much about self-preservation as it was about love.  I needed something to unselfishly live for.  Which is selfish as fuck, I suppose, saying it out loud.  My wife is the best thing that has ever happened to me and I felt guilty marrying her knowing full well I might kill myself.  I probably won't anymore, as she's unbearably wonderful and amazing and brilliant and beautiful, but I can't guarantee I won't.  I might do it by mistake.  There's only so much a liver can take, and all the drugs, alcohol and pills haven't helped.  Despite a massive cutback, the damage may have been done.  Although I feel like I might live forever given my not-give-a-fuck attitude, but maybe I'm wrong.  I haven't been wrong hardly ever, but it's possible I guess.  I hope Kanye is doing alright... I know he's taken a lot of shit for his SNL comments (which weren't aired, so he was right, black people do have to keep their thoughts to themselves...) which are semi-justified but not wholly.  He's not completely wrong on anything, he just didn't articulate his thoughts in a way that non-Kanye people would understand.  I get it...


Oh yeah, and happy Columbus/murdering, raping and enslaving indigenous people day.  Maybe that's why I'm so down tonight...  Fuck that Italian asshole.


(dictated but not read)

We used to be so full of hope, but it only weighed us down... aka well, that actually says it all...

Sitting here, in a hotel in downtown Minneapolis (I won't say which one but two trees are involved), I can't help but feel overwhelmed by the blessings I've been given in my life.  Here is a smart-assed, half-white, half-Native American, poor, depressed, borderline-alcoholic kid with Asperger's from Horicon, WI, population 3000, who was born with craniosynostosis, who has recorded and released two albums and played shows/traveled to every corner of this great country (current President and potential SCOTUS nominee, notwithstanding relative to the "great" part... Don't get me started... Thank you for not getting me started), and has now seen France as well, who has somehow married a beautiful, hard-working and brilliant woman, and is the proud owner of a cat.  Who would have guessed?  I'm probably not even halfway done and it's already been a BEAUTIFUL RIDE.  At 16, I honestly thought there was a good chance I'd work at the factory making Harley Davidson parts for the next 30 years like some of the guys there.  It was good work.  Those were tough, long days but the work was mostly mindless.  I got to dream about things like the Packers winning multiple Super Bowls with Brett Favre and then Aaron Rodgers, about the Brewers somehow besting the Cardinals and finally winning a World Series, about HOW BEAUTIFUL AND TALENTED CHARLIZE THERON IS, about where we were going to get drunk on Saturday night; all the good things in life...


But, then I decided to pursue my one true love:  music.  And things got much more complicated.  I wish I wanted to be something more practical like, say, an accountant.  For that, you go to college, then take CPA classes, pass some certifications/tests and BOOM, you're an accountant.  Or, say, a welder.  Again, you go take classes, pass some certifications/tests and BOOM, you're a welder.  But there aren't any classes to become a successful musician.  There's no established plan or path to follow.  Everything you do is based on your gut and the hope that you're not wasting your time/money/energy/soul/youth/etc.  Every decision feels like the exact right thing and the exact wrong thing.  Every musical choice, every email or phone call, every show, every setlist, every recording, every t-shirt design, every press photo, every promoter you hire and even every blogpost.  It's all the best and the worst thing.  It's all worthwhile and a complete waste of time.  


So many people say the same thing when they find out I'm a musician (someday, I'll be famous enough to where they won't have to ask...):  "my (insert:  cousin, nephew, niece, brother, sister, best friend, neighbor) is a musician too."  And when they find my albums on iTunes or Spotify, it's:  "my (insert:  cousin, nephew, niece, brother, sister, best friend, neighbor) has an album too.  Isn't it great how easy it is to make one these days?  I've heard it's really cheap and easy to make an album now.  How much did your's cost?"  The answer is always shocking...


"All in?  $25-30K.  Which doesn't cover all the costs probably but that's a good ballpark, I guess."


"..."


My musician friends and I talk about this topic incessantly.  Why do we do this to ourselves?  Why do we put all of our time/money/energy/soul into something that will maybe break even or possibly lose money?  Because of the single strongest human motivator, and the single worst thing ever (see, that damn theme again.  Maybe it's just my "I GO TO EXTREMES" Asperger brain, but seems like this is just the fucking deal):  hope.


I have a line in a new, unreleased as of yet, song:  "We used to be so full of hope, but it only weighed us down..."


Hope is strong enough to make us do anything, against, or maybe because of, our better judgement.  It's the most powerful thing a person can have.  It can also be the most destructive.  I've nearly died twice because of it and the terrible hurt it can bring.  But, I'm also still alive because of it.  My life has a (thoroughly destructive) purpose because of it. It's why I can get through all the meaningless bullshit everyday and still have the wonderful night when I pick up a guitar.  It's why more nights than I should admit I drink myself to sleep trying to numb the hurt of all my broken and failed hopes.  But it's also why I get up and do it all again each day.  Some nights I wish I would lose all hope so I could get on with my life, but what kind of life would that be?  What would it look like?  What would I do?  Watch baseball and drink beer all day?  Would be fun for a while, but what about after that?  Sure, the Brewers are in the NLDS and the Cardinals can't knock us out this time, but even the World Series only takes you through October.  Then what?


Seems like a terrible cycle.  Hope leads to excitement, which leads to disappointment, which leads to sadness, which leads back to hope.  What's a boy to do?  Sometimes it all comes together, like in the song "Lookin' at Luckey" and my new music video:


But sometimes it doesn't.  Sometimes it goes horribly wrong.  Then what?  Hope.  It'll probably lead to sadness, again, but what if it doesn't?  What if this time is the one where everything goes right?  What if the right song hits the right ears and the right things happen?  Maybe, it could...  And that's the poison...


(Sorry, it's too late to proof read this.  Accept it as is...)

Umm, I got married... aka sorry that I'm not sorry about being lazy with the blog...

I apologize as I've been lazy as shit keeping up with this blog and (not) doing my YOUTUBE videos as promised but it turns out getting married and jet-setting off to Paris for a couple weeks will fuck up your schedule.  So, yes I am now officially married.  Even got the damn marriage license today which was conveniently approved on 9/11/2018 so 9/11 is now forever even more a part of my life.  For the record, we didn't get married on 9/11, that's just when the state of New York finally got around to verifying our claim of marriage.   Strange.  But, the actual wedding was my favorite ever.  Yes, I'm extremely fucking biased but there you have it.  We did it in Central Park in New York City and wore our fucking wedding clothes all day while we got pictures in the Park, the MoMA, at our dinner in Little Italy, and finally for (way too many) drinks back up around Columbus (fuck Columbus.  I'm half Native American for first time readers.  And legit half, not "my grandma was part Cherokee so I'm like 1/64th or something" Native American.) Circle.  Anyways, I'll talk more about this in future iterations.  But, immediately after that the fucking music video came out and I've been planning some things to go along with that AND the second music video, dun, dun, duun!  Oh, you didn't know there was a second music video?  Well... Fuck... Then... OK, now you do.  I guess it wasn't that dramatic except this one is even more crazy and wonderful.  I can't wait to release it to the world.  Same director as on "Lookin' at Luckey" so you know it's gonna be fucking awesome.  Kevin Pietila is a goddamn wizard with the music videos.  I wish I could hire him to make one for every song but I could definitely not afford that.  Fucking money always getting in the way...


Anyways, I'm sorry this is brief and I don't have a better update, but I assure you I will in two weeks.  Next week, I'm visiting my brother in Wisconsin so I'll have better things to do than make a video blog or put a lot of thought into writing one.  Namely, drink and watch the Packers game.  And no, don't ask me about this fucking Packers-Vikings game from last week...  Seriously, don't...  Jesus...  All I will say is that I think the "holding" aka guy is falling down and the lineman makes sure of such call against Lane Taylor on the Jimmy Graham TD is just as big a misstep as the phantom roughing the passer call on Clay Matthews III.  Either correct call would've ended the game in the Packers' favor.  Just sayin'...

Also, the past two weeks I've been repeatedly re-listening to the S-TOWN PODCAST for some reason.  I don't know why I'm obsessed with listening to it for a 6th or 7th time but that's fucking Asperger's for you; which John B definitely has.  Just sayin'...


Anyhow, if you haven't seen the video for Lookin' at Luckey yet, Jesus fuck it's awesome, so here it is:

It's here! It's finally here!! aka... "Lookin' at Luckey," the video...

As promised, here it is fuckers:

This brings back wonderful memories of:

 

- How perfectly Sonora embodied "Luckey" for those three days of shooting.  I felt as if I was back with the real "Luckey" the whole time

- Brianne and Sara shining lights past the Thunderbird while Nate rocked it up and down, over and over and over...

- Sonora sitting perfectly still, take after take, for those shots in the living room of me rocking out

- Sara hitting her (not plugged in) keyboard so hard it made her fingers hurt trying to get noise out of it

- Sharing those wonderful bottles of water-wine on the roof

- The lady in the park who repeatedly demonstrated how many times Bill Withers says "I know" in "Ain't No Sunshine"

- Those Fucking Jibs

- The wonderfully weird boat parade on the Willamette River that night

- How much Kelly's Olympian didn't give a fuck

- How smoking way too many cigarettes in a row feels

- How many times someone commented on how I look like Ryan Adams

- How I loved it every time someone commented on how I look like Ryan Adams (one of my favorite artists ever)

- Getting to sit in an actual Thunderbird and how unworthy I was

- Thinking of how many fucking talented people were in that apartment that night

 

I could never thank Kevin Pietila enough for taking my Asperger's, non-visual memories of Luckey and somehow creating this.  It is beyond my comprehension how talented he is.

 

I am so grateful to all the talented people involved:  Kevin Pietila, Sara Morris, Brianne Kathleen, Jon Fickes, Sonora Mindwerl, Nate Ernst, Colby and, of course, me (just kidding, kind of).  They say it takes a village, but we did it with less people, more hard work and more skill.  But most of all, we did it...

Fucking Finally! "Lookin' at Luckey" music video this week!!!

EDITORS NOTE:  I apologize for the false start. We ran into an issue with the promotion/premiere/timeline and the video was not released on Friday as expected.  It will, come hell or high water, be released this week as I'm exhausted and it needs to see the light of day.  Goddamn, we need some good luck on this album soon as it's been snakebitten since the beginning...  It's coming though, I assure you.  Things are looking up.  They have to.  There's no other way to go...

 

Finally, after months of teasing you fuckers, the official video for "Lookin' at Luckey" is about to be real!  I know you've been waiting for it, as have I, but it's better than you think.  For serious.  Fucking hell.  If you haven't already, subscribe to Bradley Wik's YouTube Channel at www.youtube.com/bradleywik.  That's where the video will be in addition to this very website, bradleywik.com.  So many amazing people worked on this thing, it would be a shame to not watch and enjoy the fuck out of this video.  For those who still are on the fence, here's a still from the upcoming video:

 Bradley and "Luckey"/Sonora

Bradley and "Luckey"/Sonora

So, again, "Lookin' at Luckey" the official music video will be out this Friday, 8/31.  Stay tuned for more updates...

Why the Good Doctor is Autism-racist (if that's a thing) and why House is much more realistic portrayal of Autism... aka Help an Aspy muthafucker out...

Bradley talks about being Injun Brad, Portland, OR, but mostly about what he thinks of the way people with Asperger's and Autism are portrayed in movies and television.  Bradley also gives some of his favorite (non-diagnosed) Asperger's/Autistic characters in TV and Film and explains why Rick and Morty may be the most important show on television for people with Asperger's and/or Autism.  Any reason to promote Rick and Morty is one Bradley will take, not that the show needs any advertisement at this point.  But, it does need to be recognized for its bravery in the field of Autism.  Thank you Rick for being a (semi) positive role model for us Aspy muthafuckers.  Thanks also to Dr. House and Han Solo, we are forever in your debt...

 

This week's video blog... aka Bradley REALLY hates soccer, and please meet Conspiracy Bradley, folks...

"This week Bradley rants and raves about "The Three Worst Inventions in the History of Mankind" and he's really serious about this (kind of, not really, but kind of). Seriously, people, he is (he's not, but kind of)..."

 

OK, do I really believe the government created AIDS to keep black and gay people down?  Do I really think soccer (not "football," assholes...) is worse than AIDS?  Where will the Internet rank?  All y'all know I hate that shit with a passion.  You'll have to watch to find out, but I will give you one hint in the form of a comparison...

 

For everyone who says I should like soccer, in part because it's the most popular and influential sport outside of the United States, I will say this:  there was a time when Hitler was the most powerful and influential man outside the United States and it turns out the US was right on that one too.  Just sayin'...  Is soccer like Hitler?  Maybe.  Will soccer take a cyanide pill then shoot itself in the fucking head once it realizes its own demise is imminent and everyone fucking hates it?  One can dream, can't he?  One can dream...

 

Anyways, on to the video!

 

 

The worst of sports and religion... aka Soccer and Televangelists...

Perhaps I should not be allowed to watch TV...  I'm not sure if it's the Asperger's or just me being a lazy fuck, but there's something absurdly comforting about watching television for me.  It's not just entertainment or a way to pass time for me.  It's something much more meaningful.  Movies don't do the same thing.  They don't calm my brain in the same way.  TV is like weed, which is probably why they go so well together (not that I'd know... or, would I?  I'll never tell...  *whispers* "they do...").  It stops my brain from being so Asperger's and allows it to relax and become more like a "normal" brain.  I think this is a common occurrence amongst people with mental health issues.  Kanye obviously loves "Rick and Morty" since THIS HAPPENED.  Yeah, so we have that in common, which is nice...

 

Anyway, here's the fuckin' video:

 

Video Blog #2... aka Haha! Like Poop! Anyways, it's about Meniere's Disease and Asperger's... Big surprise...

Holy shit, Batman!  I actually came through on my promise to make videos more of a priority and make them on schedule.  Phew, thought I lied to your asses once again, but nope, I did it y'all!  I really am as awesome as I think I am.  OK, maybe enough self-congratulating for now.  Well, one more, look how handsome I am.  And for the record, although it appears my shirt says "Leto," I assure you I am neither a Jared Leto nor Thirty Seconds to Mars fan.  My shirt, in fact, says "Titletown," in reference to Green Bay, WI and my beloved Green Bay Packers' 13 (and counting...) World Championships.  I left in just a hint of green for y'all as a hint (but, shit I just spoiled it anyways...).

 

Watch the damn video either by CLICKING HERE or just look below these very words.

 

I highly encourage you to comment, ask questions (this is my "Ask an Asperger's" segment, like Dave Chappelle's famous "Ask a Black Dude" with Paul Mooney) as I promise I won't get offended by any questions and love to help people understand (and humanize) Asperger's and other mental health disorders like depression, addiction, insomnia, etc. which I, unfortunately, know too much about.  Let me help you ask the hard questions, and if you suffer from any of these things, know that you are not alone and it's not something to be ashamed of.  There are many like you and knowing and feeling that is what helped me to be more open about it; that, and my Asperger's...

 

Fucking music videos and being sick aka... fuck my (awesome) life...

Being sick sucks.  Like really fucking sucks.  I just might be the biggest baby when it comes to being sick.  I was sick before the music video shoot, kind of during (though adrenaline and the need to get it done are great masking agents; just like the double doses/four pills of NyQuil, a shot of bourbon and way too much coffee) and, of course, again after.  Staying up all night for two nights then waking up early (read:  six hours of sleep in three days) for the next day are not a plan for good health.  But, it is a plan for making a fun as hell music video.  The concept and script were fun as shit.  I felt bad as the director, DP (director of photography, also known as the camera operator, lighting director and eyes of the film) and second AC (second assistant camera), as well as the lighting and setup crew had to work their fucking asses off as I got to relish being an actor.

 

This video definitely allowed me to display my acting skills much more than the last one, by nature of the theme and script.  I fucking loved it.  I also happen to be really fucking awesome (read:  not bad) at it.  I am sad that we are almost done with the video (we have one more short night of shooting) but enjoyed every minute of it so far.  I wish I could tell you more but I don't want to spoil it and the surprises along the way.  Needless to say, it'll be great and you'll love it.

 

What you won't love is the Meniere's attack I had right before the filming, which went away during shooting (thank God!) and the fact that it's 8pm and I can barely keep my eyes open as the lack of sleep and illness is taking over.  Plus, somehow a wart on my face may (or may not) be getting infected as a barely visible mark is now swollen and painful...  Jesus, it's been a week.  Plus, I'm headed to Arizona to enjoy some of that 115 degree heat...  Not...  Well, I am going to Arizona, but no, I won't be enjoying the heat...

 

If I had more energy I would make one of those videos I promised on YouTube that I still haven't delivered on where I would rant about Kanye being the second most important artist of my lifetime or why I feel like all cats have autism...  Maybe next week.  This week, I'm glad I'm still alive and I'm going to go finish watching the new season of Kimmy Schmidt...  Fuck it...

 

But, here's a still of me and a beautiful girl in a car way too nice for the both of us from the (first) "Lookin' at Luckey" video which will be out in the next month (notice my doofy singing face. Singing is never graceful on stills...):

 

 

I know, that has nothing to do with the new video but you'll see this one sooner bitches...

It's fucked up to dig your own grave... aka music videos are the best

It's strange to dig your own grave.  The work that goes into making a hole big enough, especially in the shitty, clay-infested Oregon soil, sucks fucking ass.  Even with someone's help, it isn't a quick endeavor.  My biggest alibi against any murder case is the director of my latest music video, who can vouch for my inability and "inadequataquatulence" to bury people at the depth necessary to avoid detection.  Also, you realize the soft person you've become by the pain in between your thumb and pointer finger after digging a 4 and 1/2' deep hole.  We could've gone deeper, but fuck it (ha! Butt fuck it!), we were tired.  To be honest, it was kind of fun.  I miss doing manual labor and it's more fun given the reason:  a music video.  My good friend Kevin Pietila is an amazing director/writer and came up with this fucking fantastic video idea for "Let's Go Out Tonight," which I couldn't be more fucking happy about.  Kevin's script is amazing, we have people flying up from L.A. to help shoot the video and some amazing actors/dancers/choreographers to help as well.  I feel like such a Rock Star and can't wait to blow them all away with my acting...  Jesus, I'm talented but I'm so fucking glad someone wrote something so fucking badass.  I'm so blessed to know talented muthafuckers who believe in me and my music.  Life is great sometimes.  Only sometimes...  But, now is one of those times.  I'll let y'all fuckers know how it's going and how awesome I am.  Pretty fucking awesome is my guess.  Check this shit out:

 

IMG_0853.JPG

 

That's a fucking hard day's work, capped off by some Coors Banquet Beers and french fries.  After two hours of digging, that shit never tasted so sweet. Not sure why musicians like to act and actors like to play musicians but seems like we're all fucked up in the same ways, so it probably helps.  We'll find out next week...