I hate people who are inconsistent with their blogs…wait, fuck… I know I keep saying I will get better at this and then not doing anything to be a little more consistent but, you know, everything. Anyways, I’m tired of talking about what isn’t working in my life (mostly everything), so today I’m bringing back a classic: the random music playlist. Whenever times are tough, music is always there to be a comfort to me. Sometimes it’s even my own music that I need in a particular moment; which might sound weird, I know, and very egotistic I suppose, but who could know how to reach me better than me? OK, usually anyone else (thanks Asperger’s!) but every once in a while it’s strangely comforting to hear my former self tell my current self “hey, you already went through this and here’s what you need right now.”
So, today I am going to go through a few songs of my own that have helped me through some tough moments, especially in the past year. “A blog about himself? So arrogant!” you might say. But, hey, it’s my blog and I can write about whatever I want to, and today I want to write about myself. And I don’t know if you know this, but occasionally I write a pretty fucking good tune. On to the songs!
Here’s the Spotify playlist if you want to listen while you read. I can’t do those two things at once (if music is on, that’s the only thing I can focus on) but I’m told other people can, so here you go. If you don’t do Spotify, I’ll also link the YouTube versions below.
OK, so I struggled to put these into any specific order (read: I was too lazy to put these into any specific order), so I figured I would just go through them chronologically and give you a little back story as to why I included them on this list. It’s more or less a random thought experiment where you get to understand my brain a little better and where I can talk about my music, which I have such a love/hate relationship with; pretty much like any other artist. If Thom Yorke (Radiohead) gets to be disappointed with his output then I damn sure better be sometimes. But sometimes I’m not disappointed and I enjoy combing through the back catalog.
It’s funny, people always ask if my songs or albums are like children, like I’m supposed to love them all equally. That’s not true at all. I definitely have favorites and definitely have some that are the runts of the litter. I still love them but they likely have some issues that need addressing. So, without further ado, here’s the songs:
1) Back to Brooklyn
Why this one is on the list: This was the first song I ever played with a rock band. I was in New York City and I was starting to get bored of playing folk music. I didn’t really have the songs to start a band as most of my stuff at the time was super Dylan-y and were these long, rambly, imagery driven type stuff with loads of harmonica solos. But I knew I wanted to do something more Rock ‘n’ Roll, so I auditioned to be the singer for this cover band. We did stuff from the Black Keys, Cold War Kids, Wolfmother and a few other bands that were pretty hot around that time. I can’t say that I was particularly great at being a covers singer. One thing I’ve learned over the years is that I’m good at doing my thing, but that’s pretty much it. I’m not one of those people who can hear a song and then sing it perfectly. I tend to have to work hard for everything I do musically, and I’m OK with that.
But one day at rehearsal, the leader of the group, the guitar player, was running a bit late. So, we were just hanging around and they asked if I had any songs we could play in the interim. I searched my brain for a folk song that might work and landed on Back to Brooklyn. Normally, I did it in 6/8 time, all folky and shit, but I figured if I just played it straight and gave it a little oomph, it might actually work. I show the bass player the simple chords and we launched into it. I got such a rush hearing the band behind me and I knew that this was my future. I still enjoy the folky stuff, but that moment was like the first time I had sex, in that it was something I had never experienced before but knew I needed to make a regular occurrence thereafter. And my Rock ‘n’ Roll path had begun.
2) This Old House
Why this one is on the list: This song has affected more people than any other song I’ve written. I’ve had quite a few people reach out to me about this song over the years with stories about how this song helped them through a divorce, breakup, the death of a loved one, etc. I feel so humbled and honored to be able to have helped in some small way in other people’s lives. I’ve always said my goal in making music is to give back, to at least one person, what music has given me. I’ve accomplished that many times over with just this song and I’m so grateful that I could do my part in continuing music’s pay-it-forward type deal.
In addition, it’s also the first song my wife and I ever sang together on. I had always envisioned this song as a duet but never really had a singing partner. So, for live shows at the time, my drummer would sing some of the harmonies but it never quite sounded the way it should. When we got around to recording, I had just met this girl who was singing with my guitar player’s other band. He said she was really good at harmonies and I thought she was pretty so I asked her if she was free to come out to the studio on one of our scheduled days and she was. I remember I had forgotten to print out the lyrics for her so I was writing them by hand as she was listening to the song for the first time. I remember her commenting on how each line was a different length and had a slightly different melody. I never really thought too much about that kind of stuff but it definitely doesn’t make it easy for someone who doesn’t know the song to sing along with it. Long story short, she was great and now we’re married.
3) She Will Never Return to Me
Why this one is on the list: This the last vestige of my folk singing days. With verses like:
With her eyes like sailor’s stars through a night so sad and still
She paints a silver ghost on a broken window sill
And on from the summer she finds her saintly will
But she will never return to me
and
She whispers and fades like a man she once knew
And dances with the poets with bells in their shoes
She hits all the notes when she hums the tunes
But she will never return to me
I love it. Makes me yearn for a simpler time in my life when all that mattered was outdoing the venerable Jon Fickes with my latest folk song, which I’d debut at some open mic at 1:30am on a Tuesday; and he’d try to do the same to me. Needless to say, he usually won…
The other thing I love about listening to this song is the lead guitar work and the solos. It’s otherworldly at times. This song wasn’t really on the radar for this record but we had some extra time in the studio so we figured we’d give it a shot. I think we had played it at maybe two shows before the recording session so it was still pretty raw. Our guitar player, Brian, had mostly just noodled around during the verses and solos prior to this so he didn’t have any of his parts down; since, again, we weren’t planning on recording it. We didn’t use anything he recorded that day but he took the raw mix home and spent hours writing and recording his part in his basement studio. At the next session, he brought in the fruits of his labor and we all heard it for the first time. It was magnificent. I loved it. The guitar sounds were nothing like what was on the rest of the album but it fit this song so perfectly. It was such a unique moment as most of the other parts were meticulously hammered out at rehearsals and shows. But this, this was like hearing my song come to life for the first time. To this day, it’s still my favorite of all his guitar parts, and he had some dandies so that’s saying something.
4) Just Like Jon Fickes
Why this one is on the list: Remember how songs are supposed to be like kids and you’re supposed to love them all equally? Well, this is my favorite child. I have a couple fun memories from this one.
First, this was originally written to essentially what would become the music for Some Girls (Still Love Rock N’ Roll), if you can imagine that. But at the time, the band was really struggling with the more upbeat, harder-edged type rock songs so I rewrote the song into the new key (C) and really played around with the tempo and dynamics. From the story to the epicness of the recording, this is one that really worked out a little better in real life than what I had in my head, which is really fucking rare. Usually, songs never come close to what you hear in your head but this one actually ended up exceeding it. I remember being so anxious about getting this song right that the morning of the mixing session I got so drunk that I passed out and missed most of it. I’ll never forget sauntering in bleary-eyed and hearing it for the first time. I loved it. I didn’t have one note. “Wouldn’t change a thing,” I said, “it’s perfect.”
Second, I’ll always remember how much people hated the title. Even the boys in the band who had recorded with Jon (that’s him on Back to Brooklyn and our first EP) thought it was a stupid name. “What does it mean? No one knows who Jon Fickes is,” I kept hearing. But, every time I brought up the title, people would ask me about it. “Who is Jon Fickes?” they would say, usually pronouncing his name “ficus” as in “ficus tree.” Anything that got people talking. Plus, Jon is one of my biggest influences in music. Like I mentioned before, we’ve always had a friendly competition between us and he’s inspired me to work harder and push myself to write better songs over the years. To be able to honor him with a song title (plus a cover of his tune The Dark Lovely on the same album) is the least I can do for someone so influential on my music career.
Third, it’s just a really fucking good song, if I may say so myself, and I may, as this is my fucking blog. Many times when I tell people it’s over eight minutes long, they are surprised, which is a good thing as a songwriter. If you can make an eight minutes song feel like a five minute song, you’re doing something right. I definitely did something right with this one.
5) Lookin’ at Luckey
Why this one is on the list: One of the things I’ve really missed since moving across the country is my friends back in the Portland, OR area. As a whole, I fucking hated Portland and the people there. But, there were some special people that came into my life while I lived there. One of them was the man who wrote and directed my two latest music videos, Kevin Pietila. His wife and my soon-to-be wife were good friends, so needless to say, eventually we were bound to hang out. We hit it off almost instantly and within weeks we were discussing making a music video together. I think my favorite part of the process was those initial meetings when we would head over to a local bourbon bar and drink and share stories about our lives that were relevant to the song/video. One drink would turn into four and we would talk for hours.
As I was doing my blog series a few months back called “Music videos are fun,” I was kind of reliving those days and the shoots for the videos. If I could make music videos all day, every day (and that’s how those shoots can go sometimes, all day. The Let’s Go Out Tonight overnight shoots were pretty brutal), I would, as long as Kevin was the director. And, of course, Jon Fickes made his obligatory appearance in these videos as well, which made them even more fun. If you want to read more about the Luckey video shoot, you can HERE. If you haven’t seen the video yet, here it is:
As far as the song, this might be my second favorite song that I’ve written. It was the first song written for this album and kind of set the tone for the entire record. The stories about struggles with sex, drugs, drinking, depression and guilt sort of weave their way throughout the entire record. That was essentially my life at the time and I feel this song summed it up better than the others. I remember the first time I played this song for anyone besides myself. My bandmate was taken aback as he hadn’t heard something like this from me before, one person cried and before the night was over (well, in the early morning hours) I found myself in bed with a beautiful girl I had just met. Life is pretty strange sometimes but obviously that song had told a powerful story.
6) Let’s Go Out Tonight
Why this one is on the list: This song brought me joy a couple times this past year. First off, it was chosen for the soundtrack of the video game NASCAR Heat 5. Not only did that bring in some much needed income, but as a lifelong NASCAR fan it was a really cool achievement. I grew up playing NASCAR video games so it was pretty damn cool to be a part of one of those games. I can’t tell you how many hours I spent tweaking setups or running practice laps in NASCAR Racing 1999. That game was the most realistic racing sim I had ever seen up to that point and I loved it. I never knew I wanted to spend my evenings finding the perfect camber setting or front bias ratio but the game proved otherwise. I remember when the first NASCAR Heat game came out. My buddy and I would spend hours racing while we listened to Jimi Hendrix or Damn Yankees or REO Speedwagon. Not sure why those are the three that immediately come to mind, but so be it. I know a lot of people think NASCAR is just rednecks driving cars really fast and turning left, but come watch a race with me and we can talk about all the strategy, science, skill and luck that goes into a race. I feel like NASCAR is as misunderstood as baseball. A lot of people think it’s a boring sport where not much happens until you learn about all that goes into it and how ridiculously difficult it is.
Secondly, my new band is a three piece so I had to start learning/playing the guitar leads for my songs. It’s something I haven’t done in years. The last time I played lead guitar was when I was 19 years old. This, for some reason, was the first song I started with. It’s a sort of weird feeling to be “learning” my own song but that’s what I was doing. I was a little skeptical of the practicality of being a trio but this song put those fears to rest and now I enjoy playing those leads/solos. It brings new life to songs I’ve been playing for years. Also, if you haven’t seen the video and want to see me as a zombie, check it out:
7) No Truth in the Summer
Why this one is on the list: I don’t think anything was more apropos last year than the line “We don’t know where we’re gonna be when the summer ends.” Sure, the song is about a relationship that’s at that moment when you have to make a decision on whether you want to get serious or just call it a day and move on, but still. Like another song on this list, this was also a last second addition to an album. We had 10 songs ready for In My Youth, I’m Getting Old… but it just felt like the narrative wasn’t quite wrapped with the rest of the songs and we needed something to help tie the room together. We had played around with this song in rehearsals but that was about it. After we got the take that ended up on the album (we recorded this album live to tape), I remember our engineer saying he felt this was one of his two favorite songs on the record. After some time, it’s really grown on me and has become one of my favorite to play live.
8) We Are Not Alone
Why this one is on the list: Despite spending the entire quarantine with another person, I still constantly felt so alone. Though I knew so many people who were in the same boat as I was, it didn’t help the with the feeling of isolation I had. Again, the song is about a different time and type of loneliness, but it seemed to help during the darker times of the pandemic when it felt like we would never see the other side of it. But, now that I’ve already gotten my first shot of the vaccine and my wife gets her first (and only, so jealous she’s getting that J&J as I’m terrified of needles…) shot this week, it’s feels as if there’s finally some hope that we’re through the worst of this. I can’t wait to get back in front of people again and feel like I don’t have to be worried they might kill me or I might kill them just by talking with them. Anyway, this one was a good reminder that even when we feel so fucking alone, there’s always someone out there who knows exactly how we feel and we’re not really alone in the world. I needed a reminder of that. Also, I needed to remember that I love to make non-Rock ‘n’ Roll music too. I still remember when I first bought my synth and just kept staring at it wondering how the hell to make it work. Now, I love playing around with its seemingly infinite possibilities. Most of the time I love the simplicity of guitars, drums and bass, but sometimes I love dense soundscapes full of alternating melodies and counter melodies and noise. I’m glad I get to do both.
So, there you have it. Those are the songs that I have been coming back to over the past year. I hope you enjoyed this little peak behind the curtain of my brain and thoughts. And if not, you’re probably not reading this right now because you were like “fuck this, this shit is boring as fuck. I’m out.” So if you’re reading this, thanks for reading and I’ll talk with you again soon. Well, write to you. It’s not really a dialogue, though if you want to get involved leave a comment below or via Instagram (link at bottom of page or search @bradleywikmusic) as that’s the social media I actually check from time to time. Until next time…
(dictated but not read)