Asperger's, politics and one weird night... aka... any given Thursday...

I know, I’m on a weird blogging schedule these days. In my defense, I rarely know what day it is anymore. I guess that’s not really a defense but I’m going with it. Sort of how those who are somehow still opposing impeachment are going with “Trump is openly promoting Russian propaganda and compromising American elections and national security, again, by asking a foreign government, again, to smear a U.S. citizen? Well, something, something, Hunter Biden. Something, something, Adam Schiff. Something, something, FISA warrants.” Aah, that’s fun, isn’t it? One side says something backed up by evidence and research and the other just says something random and nonsensical and unrelated. Just like they’ve done on climate change (or the climate crisis, as I like to say; whichever you prefer), gay rights (or, as I like to call it, plain old human rights as it’s absurd to marginalize people based on sexual preferences. Some people like blondes, some brunettes or whatever, some like blondes or brunettes or whatever but with their own gender. Oooh, scary. But, I’d like to remind everyone that we have real issues to worry about here. Like, oh, I don’t know, maybe how our current President is literally a sexual predator who has been accused of rape, sexual assault, and sexual harassment, including non-consensual kissing or groping, by at least 23 women; which means the actual number is likely higher as many assaults go unreported. And that’s not even including his connection to Jeffrey Epstein where Trump is quoted as saying: “I’ve known Jeff for fifteen years. Terrific guy. He’s a lot of fun to be with. It is even said that he likes beautiful women as much as I do, and many of them are on the younger side. No doubt about it — Jeffrey enjoys his social life.” Somehow all that seems a bit more prescient than worrying about others’ sexual preferences…), women’s rights (like abortion, access to birth control, etc.) and on and on, usually by hiding behind the veil of “religion” despite Jesus’ main message being acceptance of all. Whatever…

These impeachment hearings are driving me nuts. It’s becoming harder and harder to understand why angry, ignorant, privileged, old white guys are deciding the future of this country. It makes no sense. Finland just elected a 34 year old woman as their Prime Minister. That makes more sense to me. One can dream…

Anyway, when I get all worked up, my wife usually tells me to go play guitar or listen to music. So, I’m going to do that. Want to take a journey with me? Let’s go!

1) Genesis - “Mama”

I’m gonna be honest, I didn’t know there was a music video for this until tonight. I don’t know how this eluded me and I feel ashamed as a huge Genesis/Phil Collins fan. But, “Ha-ha-ha. Ha-ha-ha-oeww.” I think that’s the proper onomatopoeia for that ridiculous thing Phil does in this song. It makes me happy every time. I can’t even remember why I was so angry earlier. I just want to “Ha-ha-ha. Ha-ha-ha-oeww” for the next few days. Maybe that’s just the weird, obsessive Asperger’s side of me, but my poor wife is gonna hear “Ha-ha-ha. Ha-ha-ha-oeww” at least another 50 times. Pray for her… And for me. She might kill me if I don’t stop “Ha-ha-ha. Ha-ha-ha-oeww”-ing, which I won’t be able to…

2) Billy Joel - “We Didn’t Start the Fire”

Does this song have the dumbest song lyrics of all-time? Maybe, but it’s also awesome. It’s my life’s goal to learn all those nonsensical lyrics someday. #lifegoals (that’s a thing I’ve heard people say in real life, so it’s likely an interwebs thing. I don’t know…)

William Joel is one of the preeminent songwriters in the history of our great country but these are two of the actual verses in this song:

“Birth control, Ho Chi Minh, Richard Nixon back again
Moonshot, Woodstock, Watergate, punk rock
Begin, Reagan, Palestine, terror on the airline
Ayatollah's in Iran, Russians in Afghanistan

"Wheel of Fortune", Sally Ride, heavy metal, suicide
Foreign debts, homeless vets, AIDS, crack, Bernie Goetz
Hypodermics on the shores, China's under martial law
Rock and roller cola wars, I can't take it anymore”

Yep. The same man who wrote “The Stranger,” “Glass Houses,” “52nd Street,” and “An Innocent Man” wrote those words.

Speaking of Asperger’s, if you haven’t listened to perhaps the greatest recounting of Asperger’s/Autism in song, stop everything you’re doing and listen to “I Go to Extremes” now if you want to understand how we work. Don’t think this is what Joel was aiming for when writing this tune but my wife constantly makes fun of me about this song. It’s always, “I can’t believe Billy wrote a song about you” or something like that.

3) Alanis Morissette - “Hand in my Pocket”

Man, did Alanis fucking rock the 90’s. Sure, her harmonica playing leaves something to be desired but so many hits and she’s such a fucking badass. Speaking of contradictions and possibly Asperger’s-y songs, this one is right there. It’s weird how disparate and diametrically opposed Asperger’s can be. I’ve literally had companies make me take personality tests 2 or 3 times because the answers didn’t align with their predetermined personality types so they thought I was lying, not qualified, etc. but in reality it’s just how my Asperger’s manifests and how I can be more than one thing at once. I’m an extroverted introvert. I’m a loquacious thinker. I’m outwardly confident but inwardly focused. I’m a terrible listener but an excellent observer of humans. I feel more myself while performing music in front of a crowd than I do at home in my underwear. I’m an adventurous person who simultaneously would rather be at home. I love trying new foods but eat the same thing every day for lunch. I’m a spontaneous creature of habit. I think that’s enough examples; you get the point. Not sure what Alanis’ intent was with this song but it’s strangely an Asperger’s anthem.

4) Umm, whatever this is…

OK, so it’s Bad Brains but this is ridiculously funny. I don’t know why I get such a kick out of this but I do. Long live Bad Brains and Charlie Brown!

5) Sesame Street cameos that somehow happened…

Like JOHNNY CASH and PAUL SIMON.

6) Norm Macdonald creates one of my favorite Conan memories of all-time

Yep. I guess I’m officially off-topic right now. Things just got weird. A fourth bourbon will do that. But, we all feel like Conan after that rambling, weird, and ultimately hilarious joke/non-joke. Norm is my favorite. One of the best standup shows I’ve ever seen live. At the show he made an audience member storm out in protest by asking genuine questions about their religion. Nothing offensive or condescending, just why they believed something they did. They got so defensive but had no rational answers and got up and left in anger. It was strange to see someone, who supposedly held their beliefs so strongly, unable to answer basic questions as to why they believed so strongly in something and get so angry so quickly when someone honestly asked them to defend it. Wish that wasn’t how most people are these days, but unfortunately it is. Trying to have an honest debate is nearly impossible nowadays. It’s sad people are so insecure that they instantly get angry/defensive whenever someone doesn’t agree with them. It’s such a sad thing that we can’t have educated and civil disagreements anymore…

7) Battle of the Network Stars

Sorry folks, we’re way out in the sticks now. But, this is a thing that used to happen. I remember being on vacation in Wisconsin a few years back (vacation in Wisconsin?! I know. But we were visiting family and then taking some time for ourselves) and it was one of those truly Midwest Winter days, you know, -5 degrees with a -25 windchill, so there wasn’t much to do/open. We stayed at the hotel and watched an entire rerun of one of the Battle of the Network Stars, much to my wife’s dismay. But, she eventually got into it and was rooting for Tom Selleck, as we all were, as he proved his former collegiate sports skills. Man, I could watch BotNS reruns all day, every day…

8) Peter and Quagmire Sing!

Maybe this isn’t going to get any better tonight so I think we’ll end it here. I often wake up with these songs stuck in my head. I also love how well MacFarlane harmonizes with himself in different voices. He’s so fucking talented. Crazy to think he went to music school with Frank Sinatra Jr. and is equally talented vocally, but is also one of the funniest people in the history of the world. Long live Seth MacFarlane…

(dictated but not read)

Winning doesn't cure all aka... I Go To Extremes...

Even a Packers win can't cure Asperger's... I know, right?

 

GREEN BAY PACKERS WEEKLY UPDATE:

Well, folks, we did it!  We gave Aaron Rodgers a reason to come back.  Was it a great reason?  No, it was the bare fucking minimum needed.  But, who gives a shit?  HE'S COMING BACK!  Sure, the loss to the Ravens would have really helped our cause; as would have an unlikely win over the Steelers, who seem like they are mostly concerned with getting their kicker as many "practice" game-winning kicks as possible before the playoffs to get him prepared for the Jaguars (yes, it's still fucking weird as fuck to think of them as legitimate contenders) and/or the Patriots.  But, nevertheless, here were are.  Not out completely, but goddamnit, the one time I need the Saints and Vikings to come through...  I think they both lost knowing they couldn't beat a pissed off Aaron Rodgers in the playoffs so their best bet was to keep the Packers out of the playoffs altogether.  The Falcons seriously tried to give the Saints that game and the Saints acted like winning was somehow related to the myriad of sexual harassment/assault stories coming out recently and they wanted nothing to do with it, not even be in the same room or building as it.  And the Vikings are, well, the slightly above average team (who is still legitimately the third best team in the NFC behind the Eagles and Rams, pending the severity of Wentz's injury.  Wow, the Vikings have sure benefited off the injuries of MVP-caliber QB's this year.  Sheesh...  And I don't want to hear any of that mumbo-jumbo about "our starting QB is hurt too" as Bradford:

A.)  Was always going to get hurt

B.)  Has played 2 good games in his career - last year vs. the Packers and this year's season opener vs. the Saints

C.)  WAS ALWAYS GOING TO GET FUCKING HURT ANYWAYS

Also, that hit on Rodgers, and the hit on Goff last month, by Barr were mostly definitely filled with intent.  I don't need anyone to tell me otherwise.  I do have eyes, you know...)

I thought they were, which still makes them, subsequently, the third best team in the NFC this year.  Good times...

Another solid performance from our defense and, this time, our special teams.  Our offense continues to put our defense in very difficult positions and refuses to help them out after the first five minutes of the game up until the last five minutes of the game it seems.  And Clay, Mr. "ARE YOU TAKING ALL YOUR TINY SHAMPOOS?" Matthews seems to find ways to make big plays in big moments, despite his injuries.  Ha Ha, who I PREDICTED WOULD START MAKING SOME BIG PLAYS, made what turned out to be an enormous, points-saving interception at the end of the first half.

Sadly, we have another week of people who don't watch football but insist on giving you their opinion based on their scanning of the Redzone channel and the stats from their fantasy football league calling Brett Hundley a good quarterback.  I even heard one announcer say "Teams are definitely going to take a look at this young man once the season is over."  Why?  Are there a lot of teams in need of, and willing to overpay for, a mediocre backup QB?  Oh wait, that's right, Scott Tolzien, Mike Glennon, Geno Smith, Brock Osweiler, Ryan Mallett, Matt Barkley, Matt Cassel, Matt Schaub, Kellen Moore, etc. all got paid by new teams despite their old teams deeming them not worth it after watching them every single day in practice.  So, yeah, I guess teams are in need of, and willing to overpay for, an average backup.

But his stat line, again, belied his play:

35/46 - 265 yards - 3 TD's - no picks - 31 yards rushing

It looks good right?  Well, if you watched the game, it wasn't.  Hundley is great on the first drive and the last two drives of each game it seems.  He led 3 TD drives in the 4th quarter and overtime.  He reminds me of someone...  Wait...  There's someone I can remember who was painful to watch for the first three quarters of a football game but somehow turned into a touchdown machine in the 4th quarter and seemingly pulled win after win out of his ass...  No...  It can't be...  Brett Hundley is like...  TIM TEBOW...  HE'S BACK...

To be fair, Hundley is not as painful to watch when throwing a football as Tebow, but goddamn he sure plays a lot like him.

THIS WEEK IN MUSIC:

Goddamn, Asperger's is a bitch sometimes...  Take today for instance.  My girlfriend and I went to go get some lunch at a local place we have been wanting to try forever (like five years).  Easy right?  Sounds fun, trying a new place we're both excited about.  Well, we get there and it seems a little out of sorts.  The workers are all unaware of what anyone else is doing and seem generally very disorganized.  Whatever, the food smells great.  I order my food and it's a little more expensive than I would've thought but who cares if it's good, right?  Well, it was... fine.  Irritated that I just overpaid for a mediocre meal, I try not to lose my shit.  I'm stewing and wishing I hadn't paid for it.  My poor girlfriend is trying to casually enjoy her mediocre food but can't because of me.  I obviously don't want to start ranting and raving about how overpriced the mediocre food is in the middle of the day during the late lunch rush, but fuck I really want to punch someone.  It ruins my day, until...

So, I'm shooting a music video later this week for "Lookin' at Luckey" which is fucking awesome.  It's my favorite song on the album and it's sounding like it's going to be an amazing video.  The director I'm working with MADE THIS, which is unbelievably good, and I'm putting on makeup for the first time; which, I'm not sure I can get better looking but let's try.  It's all very exciting.  So exciting, in fact, that I went out and actually bought some new clothes for the shoot.  Now, I never buy new clothes.  "Why?" you may ask.  Well, for multiple reasons.  Hmm...  Let's see:

- I hate spending money on things that aren't music, food or booze, generally I hate spending money on things that aren't experiences

- I hate going to places where lots of people are, like stores or malls (Thanks Asperger's!)

- I like to wear the same things every day, over and over and over (Thank's Asperger's!)

- When I do actually buy new clothes, I hate to wear them so I won't ruin them (just me being cheap and/or weird, I guess)

So, it was weird for me to actually spend some money on myself but I DO GET TO WRITE IT OFF, so I have that going for me, which is nice.  I was excited.  Some nice new clothes that will look great on camera.  EXCEPT, I wash the jeans and now there is a huge spot where the sticker that shows the size (31x30, I'm not ashamed) was and it won't wash off.  What the fuck?  This is fucking madness.  This never happens on the $40 Levi's I buy once every six years.  WHAT THE FUCK?  I don't get it.  I desperately search online for a store that has the same size in stock so I can swap them out for a new pair.  No dice.  I'm pissed.  I feel deceived.  I feel ripped off and taken advantage of.  MY BRAND NEW PAIR OF FUCKING JEANS LOOKS FUCKING STUPID AND ARE GOING TO LOOK EVEN FUCKING STUPIDER ON CAMERA!  I couldn't be more angry.  I hate it.  I feel stupid.  "This is why I don't deserve nice things..."  I think.   I'm so depressed about it that I can't eat dinner.  My day is ruined, AGAIN...

And, once again, my poor girlfriend has to deal with this shit.  I have some Krud Kutter goo be gone or whatever the fuck it's called which should take off any glue residue and then I'll rewash them.  Seems simple enough but I can't get over the emotional toll it has taken.  IT'S ABOUT AS DEPRESSING/RIDICULOUS AS THIS.  "And who could understand the all-consuming pain?  Only a man who's weeping in the rain knows where to go..."  Wow.  But Billy Joel was certainly on the spectrum and has many songs, INCLUDING THIS ONE, that are about it, whether he knows it or not.  Billy, I know why you go to extremes, it's call the spectrum, bud.

Nevertheless, my song of the week is:

Frightened Rabbit - "My Backwards Walk"

This song saved my life once.  I wish that was me being overly dramatic, like I so often am.  I remember having an anxiety attack in a hotel room somewhere in Eastern Washington and trying to not jump out the window into traffic.  All I wanted to do was drink until I couldn't remember and be done.  I can't remember where that thought came from but I knew I needed to get out my room.  It was after midnight (not in an Eric Clapton kind of way) so I wasn't sure what to do.  I got in my car and just started driving.  Frightened Rabbit's "Midnight Organ Fight" was in the stereo and was playing, though I wasn't paying much attention.  After about 30 minutes, this song came on.  I didn't know where I was or where I was going but this song felt so sad in a peaceful sort of way for some reason.  I started crying.  I didn't know what was happening as I sped along past the farm fields and empty landscapes.  I just kept pressing the back button to start this song over again, and again and again and again.  Occasionally, I'd pass a semi-truck trying to make up time to somewhere but it was pretty much just me out there.  Mostly, I just stared out the passenger side window and watched the so-dark-they-seemed-infinite fields while playing this song on repeat.  I must've driven for at least two or three hours as my half-full gas tank was starting to run low.  I pulled off to try and check my phone's GPS to see where I was but I must've gone too far since I had no signal.  I drove on and found signs for I-84.  I had driven all the way back to Oregon, I guess.  I'm glad this song came on since speeding along at 80 miles an hour in that state of mind is probably not the best thing one can do.  Anyways, thanks Frightened Rabbit...