Total Recall... And No, I Haven't Seen That Piece of Shit Remake...

Total Recall:  Has this ever happened to you?

            Guys, you’ll know what I’m talking about when I say “Has this ever happened to you?”  So, here it is:  Have you ever thought that maybe your super hot, way out of your league but for some reason still wants to sex you up wife is not really your wife, but is actually a secret agent, there solely to control your life and make it livable, but since she doesn’t actually love you(although the sex is great), instead makes your life utterly uninteresting and is kind of a just pain in the ass?  Like, for instance, you work hard every day, mining or whatever the fuck, and want to take a vacation to the place where you want to go, say Mars, for once, instead of her always choosing everything as if to specifically keep you away from something and basically, what seems like, just to spite you.  Your entire life is middling and pointless and you just want to do something different for once.  Something exciting.  A little something just to shake it up.  See life from a different perspective, which would probably make you feel a lot better about your boring life, since, hey, its actually not that bad.  It’s just sooo boring.  And all you’re thinking is “Hey, I work hard for this money, jackhammering and shit, to provide a great life for you.  I stay in amazing shape, give you a good boning when you need it.  I’m a concerned and caring citizen and am sensitive to your needs outside of sex too and all I want to do is take a fucking trip to goddamned Mars.  Maybe get into some shit and save a planet with the help of a crazy taxi driver alien dude and an ex-girlfriend who is all pissed at me, but I don’t even remember her(I swear I don’t remember, honey, don’t be mad.  I don’t know what she’s talking about), which makes her even more pissed at me.  We can go to fucking Saturn next year, but just, fucking this one time, can we please do what I want to do and GO TO FUCKING MARS?!  AHHH!”  Has this ever happened to you?!


            I know, right?  I feel like that’s every relationship I’ve ever had; and I know you’ve been there too, man.  It’s so frustrating and all you want is some sort of change.  You have no “Hand” in the relationship.  It’s just every day,  the same old shit.  I can imagine what Arnold was going through…  Wake up, go to work, come home, have sex with Sharon Stone when she was still hot, go to bed, then rinse and repeat.  Fuck.  And I know what you’re thinking:  it could be a lot worse.  You could live on the repressed, constantly in military turmoil, dirty, filthy, with all your air supply controlled by the government - Mars planet.  “Go ahead,” you say “see if I care.  I’m trying to build a life for us.  And this is a good planet to raise a family on.  And you have a good job and friends and good life here, but see if I care.  What do I know?”  And yeah, you would be right.  You always fucking are, even when you’re not you still are, or, at least, we have to tell you that you are.  And yes, I would rather have sex with you, hot Sharon Stone, then some three-titted hooker.  And no, I don’t think she’s prettier than you, and I’m not just saying that.  Two hands, two tits.  It was God’s original design and it’s definitely my favorite, I mean, yours are my favorite.  They’re the only ones I think about.  But, no, that’s not all I think about.  Can I please turn the game back on? I was just kidding about Mars.  I loved going to Saturn last year.  Yes, I had fun.  We should totally go there again. I’ve already had a few beers and I don't know what I'm saying.  I just want to watch some football.  I don't want to argue with you right now.  Yeah, we can talk about it later, that’s fine.  No, I’m not trying to shut you out.  I just, I don’t know.  I don’t know why I brought it up.  I’m sorry, you’re right.  I love you.  I said it once already but I just want you to know, you’re right and I love you.  We don’t need to talk about it later, it’s a non-issue.  I didn’t mean to bring it up.  I just saw the commercial and it made me think maybe I did want to go but I know that we’ve already talked about it and I don’t care.  No, I mean I care, I just don’t care about Mars.  I mean it's sad what's happening there and shit and I feel bad for the people that have to live there but I don't want to go.  You're right, it sounds awful.  Ok, is everything good?  Cause we’re back from commercial and we’re inside the ten.  I gotta watch.  I gotta watch.  It’s only on once a week.  No, I know it’s ON more than once a week, but this is the only I get to watch because of work, you know?  I just want to relax and have a good evening, OK? It was rough day at work.  Fucking assholes all day and, you know.  I know, you had a rough day too.  We can talk about that in a bit.  Just, its been back on and I don’t know whats happening.  Shit, I fucking missed it.  They fucking must've scored already.  It's already back on commercial.  Fuck.  I'm just...  I'm gonna get another beer...